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Do you consider yourself a strong swimmer?

(Note: too much coffee and over-thinking went into this post.)

This post could very easily be one word: no.

In the metaphorical sense, no I don't think I'm a strong swimmer, and I never have been. I'm too indecisive. It takes me forever to make a decision and when I do, I worry it wasn't the best decision to make. I'm slowly learning to let go and just live. I'm way too hard on myself for decisions I made three years ago, still. This is the time in my life when it's okay to make mistakes, to make changes and figure it all out. As long as I reach some stability and eventually stay there, it's okay.

Because I'm a single twenty-something, I feel like I need to be a strong swimmer so I can survive. I need to be able to take care of and support myself financially because it's not the 50s and a man isn't going to do it for me. Not that I was the girl who went to college to get her MRS degree. Far from it. I went in with ambition and excitement about where journalism would take me, and most days lately I feel like that's all been stamped out of me.

And it scares me.

No one else is going to take care of me. I'm all I have - and that's cool, but...when you feel like you don't know what you're doing and if you're living life the way you're supposed to, it gets overwhelming. I worry about financial stability. I worry about my resume making me look unstable because the longest I've been somewhere in my four years out of college is a year and a half. I worry about re-experiencing the complete and utter sense of failure in being let go from a job. I worry about never being good enough to truly make a career out of writing. 

I worry a lot and it makes me feel like I'm drowning in life. I'm just barely getting to a place where I feel mostly content with everything - and now I worry about being too complacent, not going out and getting what I want. I don't want to be the type of person who is content to just live in routine. I want to constantly be looking forward, because I feel like as long as I still have that ambition, it means I can't become complacent.

Right?

Or maybe I'm completely wrong.

But all of it makes me feel like a weak swimmer and like I will never be strong enough to confidently swim through my life. And I don't know how to change it.

(Sorry to be all emo kid on this. I've been in a very blah sort of mood all week and it's starting to show.)