Life lesson learned: I need someone

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Being the wallflower, nose-in-a-book, loner writer girl has always been my identity. I'd rather keep to myself, live a quiet life and let everyone else run around and make a mess of things. I was painfully shy when I was younger and hated having to speak to people I didn't know - fear of rejection and whatnot. Kind of a conundrum for a girl who wanted to work for a daily newspaper...

I grew up and got better about talking to people - I even started to enjoy it because I love learning about other people's lives. I still might to be a conversation initiator 100% of the time, but I don't hide in the corner either.

But the problem is, I still like that wallflower lifestyle. I like keeping to myself and living a quiet life. Staying home on a Saturday night and reading a book is just as much fun as going to dinner with my friends or going to see a band I love. That tendency to be a homebody has made me like living alone a little too much - and sometimes to my detriment.

For the past three weeks, I've been by myself while my parents are off living much more exciting lives in the world. And it's been lovely - I can eat dinner at the kitchen table with my laptop to catch up on TV shows on Hulu. I don't have to close the door when I shower. (It makes the bathroom SO stuffy sometimes...) And if I don't do all my dinner dishes right away, it's okay - I'll get to them tomorrow. (I at least rinse everything off because leaving truly dirty dishes lying around is just gross...)

But I didn't realize until last night when I had a complete and total meltdown (my second of the week, actually) with my mother about everything that has been stressing me out over the last month that being by myself also meant all the little things I'd normally vent about or talk about while having dinner went unshared. With anyone.

And they all built up. In the middle of my non-stop babble about everything I need to accomplish before the end of October, I realize having someone else to live with is a good thing...because it gives you the opportunity to vent about the little things so they don't build up and come out in one big freak-out...and come out in a way that they other person doesn't deserve.

Today, in light of said meltdown, I've been doing my best to kick ass, take names and get things knocked off my to-do list. And I generally feel better about things.

I just need to remember to not let it all build up. But I'm so Alice when I say things like that: I often give myself very, very good advice but I very, very seldom follow it...

The Casual Vacancy

I cannot believe it has been more than five years since I held a new J.K. Rowling book in my hands. I love this woman's ability to write characters so compelling you fall in love with them - even the antagonists.

More to come when I finish this. Can't decide if I want to dive in and read it straight through or take my time and enjoy every word...

Phoneless in Houston

Sometimes I'm kinda spacey about easy things. I forget to call or text people to let them know I got from point A to point B. I forget to water plants or take out the recycling bin. I forget basic things at home, like my planner or putting on the ring I wear every day, and I feel lost the entire day without it.

Today I was taking my time getting ready for work since I had to stay an extra three hours, so I wasn't sticking to my typical morning routine. I got dressed, gathered my things, grabbed the paper, fed the turtles, made my lunch/dinner...

I got in the car and headed off for the day. At a stoplight I went to reach for my phone to text my mom something before I forgot...and it wasn't in my purse. I dug around thinking maybe it had slid in between journals. Nope. I checked the seat. Nope.

I'd left it at home. 

And you'd think I would have been crazy and lost all day without it. But I didn't miss it one bit today. Sure, there were a few times where it felt awkward not to have it at my disposal, but it was nice not feeling tied to it. Kinda like when I've taken my social media vacations before.

Of course...coming back home to a phone loaded up with photos of Clay Matthews during pregame practice from your aunt who attended THAT GAME is pretty nice too...

Halloweenie Roast Preview

Me as a Care Bear...circa Halloween 1987-ish.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

No, I'm not talking about Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year in my world is early fall. Why? Because it means Halloween is coming!

I'm not quite sure when the full-blown obsession started, but for as long as I can remember I've always loved Halloween. Perhaps its from reading too many books growing up. I've always liked living in someone else's world, so the idea of being someone (or something) else, only if for a night, has always been appealing.

I also love all the folklore surrounding Halloween - why we put out pumpkins, why children are supposed to dress up as scary creatures. And I loved trick-or-treating when I was little - trolling the streets with my neighborhood friends, trying to hit up every last house in the subdivision. (There's exactly 200. Not sure we ever got them all, but we came close in fifth grade!)

But my absolute favorite part of trick-or-treating was sitting at the kitchen table afterwards, trading away candy for as many Sweet Tarts as I could get. I think one year I managed to trade (I'd even part with my Snickers bars in some cases) for more than 200 packets of those. I'm not big on candy, but those are still one of my favorites.

I might not be able to go trick-or-treating anymore, but adulthood has brought my annual Halloweenie Roast as my main form of celebration. Each year I invite my friends over to drink witches brew and roast hot dogs over the fire in the backyard while listening to my ever-evolving Halloween playlist. As we get older, I see this evolving into a fun dinner party with disgustingly delicious Halloween treats.

Last year I started doing themes just to jazz it up a bit (masquerade - I was so impressed by everyone's masks!), so I decided this year's soiree should pay homage to the beloved Harry Potter. I've been dreaming up ideas for the past week or so for decorations, a few games and some cool prizes for my guests. Yesterday I took the plunge and snagged a few general Halloween-ish things on Etsy I've been eyeing.

Here's a sneak peek at Halloweenie Roast IV:

Disgusting Drink Labels by iDIYjr on Etsy

I saved wine bottles for a friend's wedding shower decor recently. I had a good variety of sizes and bottle colors, so I decided to reuse them for Halloween since my dad very patiently took all the labels off the bottles for me. Between these labels (so fun!) and some candles I'm excited to incorporate these into my decor this year.

Halloween Bunting Pennants by Mary's Montage on Etsy

I kind of love the pennant Pinterest craze even if it's overdone at this point. It's just such an easy, creative way to decorate and add color. I fell in love with these vintage-y Halloween ones - and I'm super excited to have the file for the rest of forever so I can print these for years to come.

Spooky Halloween Mix paper straws by Glitter Daisy on Etsy

Another kind of overdone Pinterest craze I love is paper straws. I love straws. (Seriously. I think the only time I don't use a straw is when I sip wine or drink beer from a bottle...and even then, I've been known to stick a straw in a Bud Light Lime and be mocked mercilessly by my dad and brother for it.) I think these are super cute and festive update to the orange-straw-black-cup combo I've used in years past for my Halloweenie Roast.

Skeleton hand glasses from Terry's Village

I'm always looking for new things to add to my Halloween collection that I can use for years to come. I fell in love with these glasses back in July (yes, Halloween planning starts that early) and was excited to order some. They only hold two ounces of liquid, so they're not great for drinks unless we're all sipping champagne (not likely at a backyard weenie roast...) but I have a special plan for these this year. Maybe they'll evolve into champagne flutes when I transition this event to a dinner party down the road.

I'm keeping all my Harry Potter party ideas under wraps so my guests are surprised. I may have delved a bit too deeply into that last night... I definitely fell down a rabbit hole that I climbed out of very quickly when I started considering costs, but I've found some fantastic ideas and came up with a few of my own that really excite me. It's all about the details. I can't wait to put everything together.

I can't get started with you

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A few weeks ago, my friend Laura left a comment on my Facebook page asking, "Whatever happened to that blog you used to write? The one with the typewriter?"

And I sighed. I gave up on it, I wanted to tell her. Writing about my daily life seemed so trivial, self-involved and about a thousand other synonyms so I stopped.

But, I thought, maybe if someone I've never met in real life, only share a connection with through music and is halfway around the world from me likes what I write about...maybe I should do it again.

So here I am. To write about myself. And I don't understand why I make this so hard because it isn't hard at all. I've been blogging for more than 12 years, on and off, and it use to be my release to sit down at the end of the day, compose my thoughts or share a story and then head off to bed.

I miss that.

And for god's sake, this is what I do for a living - I write. Why can't I do it for myself?

So in an effort to jump start my writing, here's a list of the top three reasons why I make blogging too difficult. Maybe if I write it down, I'll get over it all:

I worry too much about the impact my words will have.
And they do have an impact. I've posted a link to this little space on Twitter and Facebook a few times...so I'm not really sure what eyes might wander across the page anymore. I don't write any scathing entries. That's not my style...but I've been at the communication game long enough to know what I write and what a reader perceives doesn't always match up. People don't take you at your word, they read whatever they want into a sentence...and then tend to want to talk to you about what that meant at the worst possible times. So I'll say this now: I don't play the smoke and mirrors game. What you read is what you get. Period. End of sentence.

I made it become a challenge more than a release.
Instead of just sitting down and typing whatever, I felt an obligation to write something of importance. Something meaningful. But blogs, especially personal blogs, aren't really for that kind of writing all the time, are they? This has been a challenge with my music blog as well...one that I am slowly overcoming. I think sometimes I'm a little too old school journalism to write "nothing" entries and think they suffice.

I felt like what I have to say didn't matter.
Does the Internet really need another blog written by a stereotypical suburban girl about her typical life? Eh. I've never written blogs for the sole purpose of attracting an audience, but I've also tricked myself into the "Why would you bother writing about that? No one cares what you think" mindset one too many times. At some point there needs to be a happy medium. That begins here, today.